It's been hard to write for a while.  The last year of my twenties was shaping up to be the best one of my adult life and due to circumstances out of my control that's quickly evaporated.  I still have the woman of my dreams, but beyond that I'm right back where I was five years ago and I hate it.  

Five years ago I didn't think that poker was going to be a long term gig, but I wanted to give it a shot.  I knew that there was a lot of money in endorsements and recognition and with passive income poker would be the best life ever.  It was.

Without passive income though the swings become super stressful.  I've done it successfully for eight years full time, have learned a lot over that period, know I can do it again, but feel so robbed that my existence has once again boiled down to being a mid stakes limit hold'em grinder.  

Over the past month I've felt myself battling with anger.  I'm so frustrated that due to the actions of the moral right passing the UIGEA and the DOJ pursuing charges my friends and I have been fucked out of a job and millions of dollars.  I expected to make half a million over the next two years as a result of online poker and it's been taken away.  Now after a shitty WSOP, I'm left with the same cash bankroll that I had five years ago but way more pressure for financial stability with the family that I'm starting.  I would have been debt free and a house paid for, instead I'm scared shitless and am so overwhelmed that I don't even know how to panic.  

Last night I heard about the closure of a place dear to my heart, Canterbury Park in Shakopee, Minnesota.  They and several other places were closed due to the shutting down of the Minnesota Racing Commission in recent budget cuts, because like almost every other government institution, Minnesota is broke and in debt too.  They've deemed the Commission unnecessary.  Their purpose is to oversee the horse racing in the state and make sure they follow the law.  To have a card club you need to be Indian or have a horse track.  No horses, no poker.  The MRC's budget and payroll is 100% funded by the clubs and tracks themselves, who have paid their fees in full through July.  Since the overseers were out of business, nobody can regulate the horse racing, so they closed it all.  3500 people lost their jobs at 12:01 CDT Friday morning.  A thousand of them are at Canturbury, and the town is basically built around the track.  Without those paychecks, they don't support the rest of the business in town, and once again a lot of people have been fucked by the actions of government.  

I wrote the previous part last week and haven't gotten back to it until now.  I've considered lots of options about what to do with life, and am basically back at the point where I still can't make a wise decision.  Cory and I will be heading off to the ranch after the Main and have time then to find answers.  She's been hosed out of a job in California by that state going broke, but she has experience and can basically land a job in any non-English speaking country teaching English.  I could go with her, play online, and see where life takes us.  The idea of living internationally (in an emerging poker market where they still suck) has always intrigued me, and now's as good a time as we're likely ever going to have.  I could stay here in Vegas and remain a live grinder.  I could move back to Colorado and play the 30 game at the Ameristar.  I know there's a silver lining in here somewhere.  I honestly was happier pre 2006 when all I did was grind small cash games and go play in the woods in the summers.  I think I could pull that lifestyle off again and perhaps it gets me to where I was going in the first place before this whole poker detour happened.  

In the last week I've also really appreciated the community and friends that I've made in five years on the circuit and living in Vegas.  I've made lifelong friends in quality people that are rare in this world.  I've had a lot of fun and done a lot of things most people never have the chance to do; I have no regrets about my past, just trepidation about the future.  But it'll be good.  It'll always be good.  It was seven years ago that I was digging out change from the seats of my Jeep to buy a Famous Star at Carl's Jr and pawning my guitar for a 2-5 spread limit bankroll.  I was fine and stoked then and i'll be fine and stoked in the future.  

My main event starts Sunday, day 1D.  May I invoke my one time please?

Peace and Good Luck,

Devo

The flight into Orange County was good but seeing Cory after two weeks was goodest.  She lives in Long Beach with her parents, my Mom and brother live in San Dimas, but we stay at her friend Marsha's place in Irvine so I fly into Orange County.  Our parents come from pretty different backgrounds but both agree that pre-marital sex is a bad thing.  For the Bible tells me so.  Yeah well the Bible was written for a first century culture in Asia-Minor, and thirteen was a pretty normal age to get married at.  I don't understand why people force their judgments on other adults.  We're living our life the best we know how to and shouldn't be expected to be different people around our family.  As a consequence their interactions with us are significantly diminished and we all suffer from a weaker relationship between us and our parents.  

We're still making efforts though and headed up to Long Beach for a BBQ with her parents and some friends.  It was a good time but a bummer to have to leave early and drive a bunch of miles to somewhere we were welcome.  

The following morning we took our time getting going in the morning, enjoying a good breakfast and a couple cups of coffee.  The plan was to head South and spend time with the San Diego boys who exclusively make their living playing poker online.  They're some of the best in the world, playing high stakes and doing well enough that they just bought a mansion on top of the hill in Pacific Beach.  I love those guys and wish we could have spent more time hanging, but lunch on the beach and some chill out time would have to do because we were supposed to have dinner with some old friends from camp that night back in Monrovia.  

Dinner turned into game night.  We lost a game of Settlers and then team Deventzen won a come from behind victory in Cranium.  I like having friendships that stretch over many years.  We drove back to Chateau de Marsha, had a good sleep, another good breakfast in the morning, and then were headed to my extended family's gathering in El Toro.

They're the families of my Dad's first cousins on his Mom's side.  We've celebrated Thanksgiving, Christmas, and often Easter with them for as long as I remember and they're all I have that resembles family beyond my nuclear unit.  I always wish I could spend more time with them.  It was great to hang, awesome to see Cory received well, and we chalked up another good day.

Monday was travel day and the start of our road trip to the Beale Street Music Festival in Memphis.  We drove Cory's car to the Metro station, hopped on a train that took us through Compton to another train which we took to a free shuttle to LAX.  Took a Southwest flight to Denver, shuttle to my truck parked off site and packed with gear for a couple weeks on the road, and headed off toward Bear Basin Ranch.

I was driving South on 225 through the East side of Denver, cruising along at 55 MPH or so in the left lane, and I was just about to pass a truck in the right lane.  I was chatting with Court Harrington on the phone when the car in front of me slammed on it's brakes, started skidding, and turned left into the center divider.  I jammed the brake pedal and there was no way I was going to stop in time.  Quick peek over my right shoulder while mashing the gas pedal and turning into the right lane barely squeezed me between the stopped car in front of me and the truck moving fast in the right lane.  The traffic on the left was completely stopped for some reason and the right lane was still pretty wide open.  The car behind me didn't have that window though, and as I glanced over my left shoulder I watched this little white car slam into the back of the SUV that stopped in front of me highlighted by a very loud crunch.  Wow that was close.

We stopped for some Chick-fil-a in Colorado Springs and finished our drive to Westcliffe where we met Dave and Mike at Poag's.  It was good to see LaDonna the bar owner and some other of the people I got to know last summer, and laughter with the boys ensued as usual.  Back to the ranch, we were staying at Dave's place since the ranch is still very much in Winter mode, and after spending some time with Dave and Michelle we hit the sack.  

Up early Tuesday morning, thanks mostly to either Wesley or Bridger's pounding a Hot Wheel on the floor above our guest bedroom.  No problem I like being up early on the ranch.  Coffee, breakfast, chat, and discussion for the day's activities.  Ride now and hang out later during Wesley's nap time or fish now and ride later?  We checked the weather and it called for a crappy afternoon so we headed over to the ranch to catch some horses.  

The main herd was in North, Dave and Mike's horses, Cider and Molly, were in the main corral.  Four horses including my girl from last summer, Little Bit, were in East, and we spotted them munching on hay so they were our ponies.  Halters, brush, pads, saddles, and hackamores went in the bed of my truck.  Dave followed us over there to help if needed.  Cory and I caught Tinkerbell and Little Bit no problem and had them tied up by the time before Dave pulled up.  I caught a great picture of Wesley, totally spontaneous.

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Cory had not ridden since she was eight years old so I taught her everything and she picked it up great.  We went for a ride all over the ranch and called it quits shortly after noon when the cold winds were trying to blow us out of our mounts.  

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We headed in to town for some lunch and I wanted to run my bow to the archery shop.  My peep sight popped out and it takes some special tools to put it back in properly.  Plus I lost a bunch of arrows in the snow this winter and could use some new ones cut.  The shop is attached to the thrift store and said that it was closed.  We walked into the thrift store, I asked if the archery guys were around, and a dude who looked like he knew a thing or two about archery said it depends.  I explained the problem, brought in the bow for him to check it out, and he walked me back into his closed shop.  He put it on the press to see if enough tension could be released to work on the string, turns out he could, and he said he'll get it fixed up no problem.  We walked to Poag's for lunch since everything else was closed and he was done by the time we got back.  My sling was broke too so he sold me one for $8.95 plus tax.  What do I owe you?  $9.44.  Oh come on what about your time?  Don't worry about it.  Well, thanks man, have a couple beers on me.  I hand him a $10 bill.  He flings it at the gal at the register and says give him his change, we're square, and grins.  I shake his hand, thanks Doug.  I appreciate it!  

Back to Dave's place just before the snow showed up and we spent the rest of the day playing Settlers and watching hockey.  Dinner was elk steaks, mac and cheese, and grilled asparagus.  Sick game between Chicago and Vancouver, Burrows' goal in OT marked bedtime, and we hit the sack sad to leave in the morning but excited to go places we've never been

Peace and good luck,

Devo

Wednesday the Giants played the Rockies.  Day game mid week and I ain't got shit to do!  8 of us from Summit County drove down and met Paul Wasicka with four of his buddies.  We sat in the cheap seats.  I was decked out in Giants gear and am pretty sure to have enhanced the Rockies fans' experience.  It's just more fun having somebody you know to be competitive against especially when handing out a spanking at home.  We got beat 10-2 and I got druuuuunk because I wasn't driving.  We all had dinner in Idaho Springs and headed back up the hill.  They called it a night while I walked to the bar in the snow, and I'm pretty sure I drank until they wouldn't let me anymore.  

I woke up hurting the next day.  I wish I had a job to go to so I wouldn't drink so much.  I wish I knew what was going to be happening next week.  I wish it wasn't snowing so i could go fishing.  I wish it was tomorrow.  It didn't matter what I did because I couldn't change any of those things, spent the day relaxing, doing laundry, and packing for the upcoming road trip.

Friday I was driving down to Denver International then flying to Orange County to be with Cory and visit family for Easter.  The plan is to hang out there for the weekend, fly back to Denver on Monday, and then launch a road trip across the No-Coast.  I have a goal to see all 50 states by my 30th birthday which is coming up this July 24th and I have 12 left, three of them being Oklahoma, Arkansas, and Tennessee.  The Beale Street Music Festival is in Memphis the following weekend, so that seems like a good reason to drive across the middle of the country neh?  Plan is to spend a couple of nights on the ranch, then drive to Memphis camping our way there and camping at the music festival.  

I'm really excited to see Cory.  I've been forced on vacation and I want to spend it with my baby.  Very stoked for this trip.

Peace and good luck,

Devo

It felt quite strange waking up Sunday morning and not being able to play poker online.  I didn't think about that long though because the idea is simply too depressing and overwhelming to fathom and brewed a pot of coffee instead.  That went into a mug with some Bailey's, I drove over to pick up Jenny, we got breakfast and a couple more coffees to go at the Blue Moon Bakery.  We were headed to Coors' Field to watch the Rockies play somebody.  Bought Bailey's at the liquor store open bright and early on a Sunday morning next door.  Drove down the hill, left the snow at the continental divide, and enjoyed the morning.  

No tailgating allowed in the main parking lot.  Fine we'll drink a beer inside the truck.  Walked to the ballpark, climbed stairs to our cheap seats in section 302, and rejoiced when the sun broke out from behind the clouds.  I booked a bet vs. Basebaldy on the Rockies vs Cubs.  We won it in the 8th, the game was exciting, and it felt good to be outside with good people.

I acquired Missy and Erin for the drive back, apparently the car they rode down in was too crowded.  We all met at Tommy Knocker's in Idaho Springs on the way back for dinner and then finished the drive up the hill.  Ended up at my place for a Rock Band party pre-karaoke.  Jonny's and karaoke was dead and we were tired, so we called it a night early.

Monday was my day to pull my head out of the sand and figure out what in the hell is going on.  I wish I would have just kept drinking.  I read things for a couple hours in the morning, listened to the PokerRoad show with Gary Wise and BJ Nemeth while I drove to Blackhawk to play live poker, and thought lots about what was next.  Turns out I was pretty miserable playing 30-60, even though the game is easily beatable for $100k/yr.  I couldn't help but get depressed though; things were so awesome last week and this week they got taken away by the gov.  Drove home before the blizzard showed up, stuck $750 after a horrendous last couple hours.  Very depressed.  Read the entire 52 page indictment that night which helped me a little bit.  I was glad to see that the codes violated making online poker illegal were the UIGEA and some New York State penal code.  Those have to hold for the money laundering to actually be money laundering.  The bank fraud is scary, but then the legitimacy of the UIGEA is called into question and the question of who's the victim comes up.  I was also pleased to see that Scott Tom was listed as owner/decision maker for only some of the time of the indictment, which spanned from November 06 to March 11.  

Tuesday I woke up motivated to erase the clutter scattered around my life.  There's definitely a correlation between how good I'm feeling and how cleaned up my living area is.  Unfortunately a messy house is more a product of a messy life than a reverse corollary for me.  I did like six loads of laundry, dishes, cleaned the place up, and still feel like shit.  Hoooray for PBR.  Jenny, Becky, and I went to Jonny's to watch the baseball game and ended up playing in the free poker tournament.  I lost my marbles a bit there and enjoyed doing so, having zero desire to go look for them.  We were all tired a bit early, I went home, and ended up playing .10-.20 HORSE with a bunch of high stakes regulars on UB.  We made a bunch of rules that were intended to get you to drink, but I'm pretty sure we were all just consistently drinking anyways.  That launched a Skype call where 6 of us just talked, and it felt really good to laugh and share thoughts with other people in a similar position.  It's been a bit lonely out here this weekend; I'm super grateful for the girls and their friendship, but they're new relationships and I'm needing the love of my fiancée and the camaraderie of my good friends in the industry a lot more than usual right now.  

Peace and good luck,

Devo

I woke up Friday morning and did what I've done most mornings this winter, brew a pot of coffee and see what's cracking online.  I've been playing bigger mixed games for the past several months and was on the tail end of a good week, up about $8k.  About half an hour into a session that I was getting my ass handed to me I received an email notifying me that the domains had been seized.  I immediately quit all my tables and had to figure out what in the hell was going on.  

I'm in shock.  I feel betrayed by my government.  I feel like the victim of a natural disaster, my livelihood taken away in a flash, and angry because this wasn't an accident.  I'm scared, unsure about the future, and upset because it was my country that did this to me and all my friends.  We've literally been begging the feds for years to tax and regulate us and this is how they respond.  Instead of collecting over a billion dollars in tax revune, they've spent scarce tax dollars on legislating morality, turning businessmen into criminals, and taking away another freedom from the American People.  

I started drinking around 3pm and didn't stop til they made me at 2am.  Slept, woke up, and went to A-Basin to meet the girls for Erin and Christy's birthday.  The vibe at the beach is so fantastic and these girls are great people, it was a nice afternoon.  Unfortunately it snowed for the afternoon and we all got a bit cold.  

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I took off early after drinking one beer and not skiing to head over to Copper Mountain for a free Gin Blossoms show.  It was awesome, snow fell for most of the show, and the crowd around me was quite spectacular.  I uploaded some pics to twitter.  The drummer broke a stick and fired it off my chest in the front row.  I met him after the show, asked for him to sign it, he didn't have a pen, said lemme go get you a real one.  It's custom for him and super cool, it's been a good day.  

UB is still up and running.  Our money is safe, I've got over two big dimes on there, and I'm confident that it's still mine and I will be able to spend it on something other than UPAY4RHINOS' recreational outings.  

Peace and good luck,

Devo