Shortly before the Main Event I found myself in a spot where I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life post Black Friday.  Then I made a run in the main that did nothing to change my life except put some money in the bank.  I believe making the November 9 would have been life changing, both before in how I would have gotten ready and after with a life changing sum of money.  This number isn't life changing, but it certainly has left me in a better spot than I was at the beginning of July.  Cory and I had lots of talks that basically ended with we'll have time to figure these things out at the ranch after the Series, whether we leave the country, stay in Vegas, or do something completely un-poker related.  

Well, the season changes fast here at nine thousand feet.  The air is considerably crisper; I woke this morning with thoughts of spending the day making the wood burning stove in my cabin functional.  The Aspens are starting to change, everybody's gone home for the summer, and we had one customer this weekend.  The fawns have dropped their spots and are jumping over fence now.  I've been out here almost seven weeks since the Main and I still have no clue what I want to do.  

The emotional fallout from Black Friday is much greater than I anticipated.  The closest feeling I can compare it to is with my recently divorced friend.  She feels shell-shocked, depressed, robbed, and lost.  People ask her what's next and she rightfully has no idea.  I had all my ducks in a row, life was going exactly as I had planned, and then it and a bunch of money was taken away from me by my government.  I want to leave the country not for the availability of online poker or the desire to take an international adventure, but rather for the fact that I'm very displeased with my government for lots of reasons lately, not just Black Friday.  I love my country, the West, the friends I have, and really don't want to leave.  I'm quite stoked here.  But the choices I've been left with are either take a significant pay cut and play live here, start a business, or leave the country.  

I didn't think I would mind being a live grinder, but it's something I didn't want to do for a living long term five years ago and still don't want to do.  I don't have any idea what I want to do business wise, and I think every one of my options right now would have more risk and less reward than remaining a live pro.  I feel like the idea of leaving the country, especially with a partner who's more stoked about it than I am, should have me pretty stoked but I just can't wrap my head around the idea.  I don't know if perhaps I'm scared having never left the continent before, but then I shouldn't have any problem with Costa Rica.  I've spent considerable time in Mexico, know people there, and love the idea of surfing by day and playing online in the evening, kinda like the warm version of my winter this year.  Canada should be easy, but visa issues sound like a pain.  I missed auto-Irish citizenship by two generations which would have let me go anywhere in the British Commonwealth, but I still bet I could work something down that road.  Malta would be easy, but it's a densely populated island-country in the Med, not exactly the wide open spaces that I love.  

I mean those are just the options that I've considered.  The list of possibilities is endless.  Once I establish my online accounts overseas then I could travel the globe the way I've traveled this continent, going from place to place and working online.  But I just haven't felt my sails blowing in that direction.  Unfortunately the wind's been pretty dead lately and I don't feel pushed in any direction.  

So I suppose I will hope that in the stillness of September I might find some answers.  I have a mind full of questions and a teacher in my soul, and I know that no matter what direction I head I will be okay.  So perhaps I should stop sweating the decision and just go.  I doubt I'll have a better opportunity than now to get out of Dodge for a considerable amount of time, and Cory's attitude has consistently been let's leave the country tomorrow.  

In the meantime I'm going fishing.

Peace and good luck,

Devo