It is a slow night at the poker table and I'm a tad frustrated that I'm still even. My phone rings and it's my aunt who lives in Northern California. The sound of her compassionate voice always makes me miss her. "I just wanted to tell you to not be sad. You will be ok. We are praying for you," she says in Vietnamese. My eyes flood up and tears are at the brink of falling. I put my dark sunglasses on and rush from the table before anyone can see the tears reach my cheeks.
After talking to her I don't have the heart to go back to the table. Instead I walk outside, sit in the parking lot with my hands in my face and cry. After the fear and self-pity subside I put my sunglasses back on and return to the felt. I can't allow this to emotionally affect me so much that it prevents me from playing. I can't let it paralyze me.
After moving to L.A. a couple weeks ago I found out through an MRI report that I have a large tumor behind my left knee. I will be getting a biopsy soon to find out whether it's benign or cancer. Either one requires surgery and I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst news so that it'll be easier to handle. To magnify the stress my mom's health insurance claims that I'm no longer covered. It's something that will be challenged but the thought of going through this without insurance has me terrified.
The emotional stress has cut my stamina. During the WSOP I was at the tables 10 hours a day, 6 days a week. I woke up each day eager to play. Recently my hours and level of eagerness are a fraction of what they used to be.
I push myself to keep playing and am grateful to be able to turn to this game. It allows me to maintain some normalcy and control over my life during this time of helplessness. I'm also grateful for the people it puts me into contact with. The other night I met a local doctor at the tables. He volunteered to guide me through this ordeal. I'm still scared but the stress has eased significantly. I can't wait to get a diagnosis, get surgery and finally start healing. Soon it will be time to move past this and refocus on poker.
~Thuy
