The Adventures of my Wallet
February 12, 2022
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I received a comment asking what I means that my horse is my horse so I'll briefly explain.  For more detailed information check out this article I wrote for pokerpages a few years ago, <a href="http://www.pokerpages.com/articles/archives/devonshire08.htm">Adventures in Backing</a>.  Basically I pay for 100% of Ryan's buy-ins both live and online.  In special circumstances I'll put him in cash games but not generally.  Whenever he loses, that amount is added to a number called "makeup."  Whenever he clears makeup, he gets a certain percentage of the net and I get the rest.  Any cash that is smaller than the total makeup is deducted from makeup.   So say the deal is 50/50 and he plays 10 $500 tournaments.  He punts the first nine and then wins the tenth for $10k.  I would receive $7500 of that score, $5k to clear makeup and then half of the net profit.  Horse pockets $2500 for his time, then we're reset at all square and do it again.  A horse cannot quit his backer while in makeup, but a backer can quit a horse at any time and if he does forfeits any claim to makeup.  

Those business deals set up moments like this, when I'm sitting in a $545 Omaha8 tournament and $12k cash falls from the sky above my head and onto my chip stack.  I pop out my ear buds and look up to see my horse flying by headed back toward his seat.  Thanks bud!  Table's like wtf?  Within ten minutes I hand $9500 to another dude that I had just met today, who in turn hands me an entry to the WPT $10k main event with my name on it.  I just got to town and am already up $12,500.  If anybody else would like to sell LAPC main event seats or $10k in tournament buy-in chips for $9500, I will buy all of them.  

It was a bit of a stressful weekend on the business side until right around that moment.  After Southwest's Boeing 737 parked at LAX I checked the seat back pocket for any stuff I forgot, checked my seat, and was out the door in a flash knowing that my girlfriend was somewhere nearby.  Lots of hugs and kisses later we're on the road, I'm hungry, and it turns out my mood is directly impacted by my belly.  We hit the 105 East and as soon as we clear the 405 we're in a parking lot.  Turns out traffic also affects my mood.  I got out of LA asap in January 2003 and won't ever be back because of traffic (and overall population density).  Life's too short and the world is too big to live somewhere like this.  

We agree on In-N-Out and that has us headed for Norwalk.  I'm happier than Vince Shlomi at the sight of my neon oasis down Pioneer Avenue.  Out of the car like I'm sitting on a spring, pat my right ass cheek to confirm wallet and all I find is ass.  There is no wallet in the immediate vicinity or in my coat.  

Food.  Lets go order.  We do, I go back to operation search car, go through everything... nothing.  Walk back.  Hug.  Aww honey, can I help?  Yes please, I don't know how though.  Did you check your backpack?

o_O

Two cheeseburgers without onions or tomatoes make me feel extremely better, I've settled down, and to work I go.  I call Wells Fargo to cancel my debit card.  I haven't had a credit card in 8 years.  I forget that I could have just transfered all the money out of the account associated with the card I cancelled into my main account using my cell phone.  That debit card is locked away in Colorado with my passport which I intentionally left at home so I won't have a morning in the next month where I wake up wondering where the F I am and it turns out to be Mexico.  So I cancel the small debit card of the two in my wallet and change my address to the Commerce Casino so I can have a new one sent there.

K.  Priority one phone call is taken care of and I feel better because I thought I just accomplished something instead of wasting 15 minutes of my life protecting nothing and making things more difficult in the future.  I call Southwest Airlines to file all the appropriate reports cause it's gotta be somewhere between security at DEN and In-N-Out in Norwalk.  It's 99% not in my stuff or her car and it's very unlikely in baggage because when we greeted she snuck in an ass grab and noticed the missing wallet.  Those reports filed I called the Rock Bottom Brewery in DEN to inquire about my missing wallet, they didn't have it but took down my number.  Lastly I called Steve my housemate in Colorado and asked if he would be willing to overnight my passport and debit card.  He said sure.  

This man can do no more.  By that time we were somewhere in the Inland Valley headed toward Palm Desert, it was a warm clear Southern California night, and I started to relax.  

Just before midnight I got a call from Southwest saying that my wallet was in Sacramento and I had 24 hours to set up a FedEx account online and provide them with that account number before they send it to Dallas.  I really wanted to pretend that it was impossible to set up a FedEx account due to my recently cancelled debit card to see where that road led, but I didn't bother because by that point Steve had informed me that my debit card was not in my safe and I remembered that it was in my wallet.  Now I was now extra thrilled that my wallet was in safe hands and wanted to do everything I could to get it to the Commerce before I arrived Monday evening.  

I enjoyed a thoroughly relaxing weekend in warm weather with Cory, stopped by my mother's place in San Dimas on the way back from Palm Desert to pick up my Mustang, and I was on my way to the Commerce for my LAPC debut.  

Peace and good luck,

Devo


BRYANDEVONSHIRE
At Melville, this Chardonnay's tasting notes: "A subtle hint of pebbles and pineapple basil flows in the background." Did you say rocks? #fb

2 days ago
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