Shock, Denial, Depression, and Drinking
April 27, 2022
It felt quite strange waking up Sunday morning and not being able to play poker online.  I didn't think about that long though because the idea is simply too depressing and overwhelming to fathom and brewed a pot of coffee instead.  That went into a mug with some Bailey's, I drove over to pick up Jenny, we got breakfast and a couple more coffees to go at the Blue Moon Bakery.  We were headed to Coors' Field to watch the Rockies play somebody.  Bought Bailey's at the liquor store open bright and early on a Sunday morning next door.  Drove down the hill, left the snow at the continental divide, and enjoyed the morning.  

No tailgating allowed in the main parking lot.  Fine we'll drink a beer inside the truck.  Walked to the ballpark, climbed stairs to our cheap seats in section 302, and rejoiced when the sun broke out from behind the clouds.  I booked a bet vs. Basebaldy on the Rockies vs Cubs.  We won it in the 8th, the game was exciting, and it felt good to be outside with good people.

I acquired Missy and Erin for the drive back, apparently the car they rode down in was too crowded.  We all met at Tommy Knocker's in Idaho Springs on the way back for dinner and then finished the drive up the hill.  Ended up at my place for a Rock Band party pre-karaoke.  Jonny's and karaoke was dead and we were tired, so we called it a night early.

Monday was my day to pull my head out of the sand and figure out what in the hell is going on.  I wish I would have just kept drinking.  I read things for a couple hours in the morning, listened to the PokerRoad show with Gary Wise and BJ Nemeth while I drove to Blackhawk to play live poker, and thought lots about what was next.  Turns out I was pretty miserable playing 30-60, even though the game is easily beatable for $100k/yr.  I couldn't help but get depressed though; things were so awesome last week and this week they got taken away by the gov.  Drove home before the blizzard showed up, stuck $750 after a horrendous last couple hours.  Very depressed.  Read the entire 52 page indictment that night which helped me a little bit.  I was glad to see that the codes violated making online poker illegal were the UIGEA and some New York State penal code.  Those have to hold for the money laundering to actually be money laundering.  The bank fraud is scary, but then the legitimacy of the UIGEA is called into question and the question of who's the victim comes up.  I was also pleased to see that Scott Tom was listed as owner/decision maker for only some of the time of the indictment, which spanned from November 06 to March 11.  

Tuesday I woke up motivated to erase the clutter scattered around my life.  There's definitely a correlation between how good I'm feeling and how cleaned up my living area is.  Unfortunately a messy house is more a product of a messy life than a reverse corollary for me.  I did like six loads of laundry, dishes, cleaned the place up, and still feel like shit.  Hoooray for PBR.  Jenny, Becky, and I went to Jonny's to watch the baseball game and ended up playing in the free poker tournament.  I lost my marbles a bit there and enjoyed doing so, having zero desire to go look for them.  We were all tired a bit early, I went home, and ended up playing .10-.20 HORSE with a bunch of high stakes regulars on UB.  We made a bunch of rules that were intended to get you to drink, but I'm pretty sure we were all just consistently drinking anyways.  That launched a Skype call where 6 of us just talked, and it felt really good to laugh and share thoughts with other people in a similar position.  It's been a bit lonely out here this weekend; I'm super grateful for the girls and their friendship, but they're new relationships and I'm needing the love of my fiancĂ©e and the camaraderie of my good friends in the industry a lot more than usual right now.  

Peace and good luck,


3 months ago
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