It's been hard to write for a while.  The last year of my twenties was shaping up to be the best one of my adult life and due to circumstances out of my control that's quickly evaporated.  I still have the woman of my dreams, but beyond that I'm right back where I was five years ago and I hate it.  

Five years ago I didn't think that poker was going to be a long term gig, but I wanted to give it a shot.  I knew that there was a lot of money in endorsements and recognition and with passive income poker would be the best life ever.  It was.

Without passive income though the swings become super stressful.  I've done it successfully for eight years full time, have learned a lot over that period, know I can do it again, but feel so robbed that my existence has once again boiled down to being a mid stakes limit hold'em grinder.  

Over the past month I've felt myself battling with anger.  I'm so frustrated that due to the actions of the moral right passing the UIGEA and the DOJ pursuing charges my friends and I have been fucked out of a job and millions of dollars.  I expected to make half a million over the next two years as a result of online poker and it's been taken away.  Now after a shitty WSOP, I'm left with the same cash bankroll that I had five years ago but way more pressure for financial stability with the family that I'm starting.  I would have been debt free and a house paid for, instead I'm scared shitless and am so overwhelmed that I don't even know how to panic.  

Last night I heard about the closure of a place dear to my heart, Canterbury Park in Shakopee, Minnesota.  They and several other places were closed due to the shutting down of the Minnesota Racing Commission in recent budget cuts, because like almost every other government institution, Minnesota is broke and in debt too.  They've deemed the Commission unnecessary.  Their purpose is to oversee the horse racing in the state and make sure they follow the law.  To have a card club you need to be Indian or have a horse track.  No horses, no poker.  The MRC's budget and payroll is 100% funded by the clubs and tracks themselves, who have paid their fees in full through July.  Since the overseers were out of business, nobody can regulate the horse racing, so they closed it all.  3500 people lost their jobs at 12:01 CDT Friday morning.  A thousand of them are at Canturbury, and the town is basically built around the track.  Without those paychecks, they don't support the rest of the business in town, and once again a lot of people have been fucked by the actions of government.  

I wrote the previous part last week and haven't gotten back to it until now.  I've considered lots of options about what to do with life, and am basically back at the point where I still can't make a wise decision.  Cory and I will be heading off to the ranch after the Main and have time then to find answers.  She's been hosed out of a job in California by that state going broke, but she has experience and can basically land a job in any non-English speaking country teaching English.  I could go with her, play online, and see where life takes us.  The idea of living internationally (in an emerging poker market where they still suck) has always intrigued me, and now's as good a time as we're likely ever going to have.  I could stay here in Vegas and remain a live grinder.  I could move back to Colorado and play the 30 game at the Ameristar.  I know there's a silver lining in here somewhere.  I honestly was happier pre 2006 when all I did was grind small cash games and go play in the woods in the summers.  I think I could pull that lifestyle off again and perhaps it gets me to where I was going in the first place before this whole poker detour happened.  

In the last week I've also really appreciated the community and friends that I've made in five years on the circuit and living in Vegas.  I've made lifelong friends in quality people that are rare in this world.  I've had a lot of fun and done a lot of things most people never have the chance to do; I have no regrets about my past, just trepidation about the future.  But it'll be good.  It'll always be good.  It was seven years ago that I was digging out change from the seats of my Jeep to buy a Famous Star at Carl's Jr and pawning my guitar for a 2-5 spread limit bankroll.  I was fine and stoked then and i'll be fine and stoked in the future.  

My main event starts Sunday, day 1D.  May I invoke my one time please?

Peace and Good Luck,

Devo