Irwin and my Companion Animal Purchase Card
February 6, 2022

Today I walked into PETCO to buy a feeder mouse for Irwin.

After waiting about ten minutes for somebody to become available, the cashier paged somebody to come help me get a mouse, and I'm like wtf there's nobody on the floor wearing a blue shirt except that lady who has been talking to the biker dude about cat food for as long as I have been here. I've looked. Who exactly was she paging? So the manager materializes and presents me with this form, PK 250, "PETCO Companion Animal Purchase Card."

It reads: "By signing, I commit to being a responsible pet owner by providing a safe and appropriate environment for my companion animal. I have received a PETCO care sheet for my companion animal, and am aware of what is necessary to keep my pet happy and healthy."

I tell him that I'm not signing it, this is ****ing ridiculous I'm going to feed this thing to a snake. He explains to me that it's a release and talks about all the diseases I could get from mice and that PETCO is not liable if the mouse kills my snake (he said that), blah blah blah. I'm fine with that, a release, but I'm not going to sign a paper that says I'm going to provide a loving home for this ****ing white mouse that is destined for a 5 mile ride home in a saddlebag, 12 inches from straight pipe exhaust, and then being dropped from 4 feet into a cardboard box where a 30 inch long, hungry Ball Python is lounging. Poker Radio

He gives me the number to corporate. I call it in front of him. Wrong number.

3 minutes later: "Try this one." Nope.

LOL. I mean seriously, if I even call this number are they going to listen to a damn thing I say anyways? Who do you call that is your boss? What's his number?

This is all because of Petland closing. Petland was the little small pet store with the cute puppies in the window, smiley friendly staff that was awesome and helpful. $2.09 (fifty cents cheaper than PETCO) a mouse. I even had a mouse card where I got one free mouse every ten. But, I guess they went busto, and I had to go back to PETCO because there is literally nobody else on this side of the valley that sells feeder mice.

Take that PETCO.

Peace and good luck,


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