I have been home sick in bed for the last week boys and girls and I am here to tell you that it is really seriously boring. There was one thing that happened today though that pulled me out of my boredom, but not in a good way. A crime perpetrated  rated upon me, while I sat at my desk. Quite, quite heinous...

 

Bear came into my room as we were talking about some PokerRoad ins-n-outs when I saw him reach down and pick up my big bag of "Gummy Life Savers". Now people, I really like my gummy candies. They are the bee's knees to me, and I savor all that they have to offer. So we go on talking and Bear continues to come back for another handful again and again, which is all good...he's my pops. I realized about an hour after our conversation though that he HAD EATEN THE ENTIRE BAG! Blasphemy! Sound the alarms! This ain't right!

 

You can't just roll into someone's room and eat ALL of their delicious treats. You just can't do it, family or not. It reminds me of something that I Iearned in college, the sacred "The Curliest Curly Fry Rule". At Berkeley we lived by many codes of honor, some may be spoken of, others may never be spoken of at all. "The Curliest Curly Fry Rule" may be shared, should be shared, and in reality MUST be shared.

 

One day after an all-night drunkfest we went out to Jack in the Box and I got the normal Ultimate Cheeseburger and curly fries meal. We walked home and one of my roommates, Brian, there asked if he could partake in a "few fries". I, being the charitable bloke that I am, told him "absolutely." Brian then proceeded to snake my curliest fry in the entire box (!), to which I screamed bloody hell of course. From this we launched into a discussion on some of life's finer rules, and set forth to define a few of them. We made 3 that night that must always be followed:

 

1.       You DO NOT eat the curliest fry when having some of a friend's.

2.       You DO NOT eat that direct middle bite of a burger when having some of a friend's.

3.       You DO NOT, EVER, have that super sweet perfect delicious bite of pizza right directly after that first

        1.5 bites of a slice when you are having some of a friend's!

 

These are immutable rules of communal eating that simply cannot be broken. They are more important than you can ever understand. Follow them...to be a part of the human race. These are the rules that bind us, that keep us sane, and that help us to respect each other as people. People, lock these rules up. Please.

 

As I sit here sick, I was reminded of these rules today, as I have little else to ponder as I heal. I told myself, yet again, that I will never break these rules, and I shall not. I hope those around me with also reflect on their actions of the last day or so and think of these rules. The rule of the fry. The rule of the burger. The rule of the pizza.

 

And now, the rule of the gummies.

 

Thank you for your time.

 

peace,

J