In February and March we presented two columns in which we chronicled certain people who absolutely kill the fun of a home game.   We called them, “The Home Game Killers.”  And hey, since we’re a bunch of Negative Nancies over here at The Small Stakes, we have plenty more people to complain about:

1. The Smoker(s)

I’ve got no problem with smokers in general.  I hear it’s not good for you, but so long as you’re not shoving lit cigarettes down my throat, I don’t care if you want to run outside and grab a smoke.  In fact, do it as often as you please.  However, don’t expect our tournament to take a 15-minute break after every level.  Also, don’t ask me to deal for you when you want to run outside.  No, I’m not going to run outside and get you when it comes your turn.  I’m not going to hold your cards up to the patio door so you can signal whether you want to fold or want us to wait for you to come inside and play your hand.

2. The guy who never knows when he’s dealer

Some of my friends are great conversationalists, and I appreciate their ability to keep a funny and interesting dialogue going at the poker table.  That said, I don’t like to feel like an asshole, and that’s how I feel when I have to consistently remind someone that they’re the dealer, and we’re waiting for the river.  That being said, it’s great when you can work the reminder into the conversation.  For example, if the dealer is telling a story and says “I really like eating at Joe’s Diner, but last time I was there, I had to wait 45 minutes for my hamburger”, giving you the opportunity to say, “I know what you mean, I really like playing poker with you, but last time I did so, which is right now, you forgot you were the dealer and kept talking about the service at a burger joint and it felt like I had to wait 45 minutes for the river.”

3. The bad beat encyclopedia

Everybody loves telling bad beat stories and nobody likes to hear them.  Most of us understand that, and most of us reserve our bad beat stories to those that really warrant being retold (remind me to share with you the time someone mucked a bad beat jackpot winner at my table).  I don’t know exactly where to draw the line on which bad beats deserve to be shared, and which ones don’t. However, I do know that two pair losing to a made set on the river doesn’t warrant the breath required to explain it.

Next week The Small Stakes will be heading to Las Vegas for the World Series of Poker. Stay tuned. If you’re going to be there, let’s play some 100NL!