Last week in The Small Stakes I discussed my attempts to find a new weekly home game and listed the players who often ruin any good amateur session.  Today, The Small Stakes introduces a few more home game killers and explains just why they’re so terrible.

1. The guy who can’t stop talking about television poker

He’s got every season of World Poker Tour on DVD and still thinks Phil Gordon is a poker titan.  He spends most of his time at the table talking about obscure hands from season two of Poker Superstars, or expressing his disappointment in the spectacular failure of Ace in the House.  Don’t try talking to him about who just won the main event at the LAPC because as far as he is aware, it hasn’t happened until he’s seen it on TV seven months later.  He’s going back to school next semester so he can finish his dissertation on Million Dollar Challenge vs. Face the Ace.

2. The Verbal Mathematician

It’s getting late and you’re down to four handed play.  You’re heads-up in a hand with the Verbal Mathematician.  Stacks are about equal and you bet half of your chips into a pot with top two pair.  He tanks.  After about 30 seconds he starts to list his outs, taking into account his straight draws, backdoor flushes and over cards.  He then moves on to count precisely every chip on the table before running through pot odds, implied odds, reverse implied odds and the first 40 numbers in pi just for good measure.  You’re lucky to get in 12 hands an hour with this guy and once he finally does bust, he is sure to tell you that mathematically he had to make the call every time.

3.  The Rounders fanatic

Dude can work as a voice stand-in for John Malkovich should there ever be a sequel to 1987’s Santabear’s High Flying Adventure.  He isn’t aware that everyone at the table has seen the movie just as often as he has and insists that there is still some cleverness in saying “very aggressive” every time you bet into him.  Sneak into the den next time you visit him and look for the movie on DVD, special edition DVD, VHS and laser disc as well as the screenplay. Once he brings Oreos to the game, it’s time to tell him to go home.

Come back to The Small Stakes to see how I fair in my quest to find a home game that isn’t overpopulated with deal breakers, or stop by our forums to talk about who drives you nuts at your local game.